The Spaces Between My Fingers
by Polkahotness
Summary: "Despite how tight I had been holding onto the phone just moments ago, it slipped right out of my fingers and fell to the floor with a muffled thump. It slipped out of my grip almost as quickly as my Grandparents had slipped out of my life." AxH. R&R!
1. Running In Place

**_Hey Guys! _**

**_This story was inspired by Criminyy whom i just adore, she's so great :) _**

**_anyways, this is a kind of deep story and i REALLY hope you guys read it and let me know what you think. I'm not 100% sure about how long it'll end up being, but it shouldn't be more than five chapters. _**

**_Disclaimer: I no own Hey Arnold! This plotline was heavily influenced by Criminy and her great fantastic idea :)_**

**_Anyways, R&R guys!_**

**_much love!_**

**_Polkahotness xoxo_**

* * *

><p>When you're a kid, it's almost like everyone around you will live forever. Considering all my life I lived with my Grandparents stepping in for my parents, I never once considered them leaving me for good. I never considered that they'd be gone before any of my other friends' parents and I never considered what I'd do once they were gone.<p>

While I sat in the waiting room at Hillwood Hospital, I found myself staring at my fingers as they picked at the skin surrounding each nail.

_Not this soon, Grandpa c'mon..._

Two years ago I had been in this very position sitting with Grandpa who had been pacing back and forth muttering random little tidbits about Grandma I'd never known before. Things about them.

_ "She kept laughing at everything I said. It wasn't even funny, I tell ya. I must have spilled five cups of water on her that night, but she never once got mad. Crazy old coot. Such a crazy...beautiful old coot."_

His voice sounded so clear in my head, the memory seemed so real that I had to open my eyes to wake myself from the past. The waiting room was still the same; but Grandpa wasn't with me this time.

I was alone.

I checked my phone to see if Gerald had called me and I had missed the call, but it was 2:22 am and I doubted that he'd answer at this hour. Gerald had a hard enough time getting up for school in the morning, more or less get up at his phone buzzing.

School. School was tomorrow.

My mind had been racing since Mr. Hyunh and Mr. Potts had helped me get Grandpa out to the Packard. He was mumbling weird things, soiled his pants, and was looking around dazed and confused yet completely aware of what was happening. Grandpa was smart, he always knew.

_"I'll be fine, Arnold. Pookie will meet us there...th-there...Pookie...there..." _

I'd started the car so fast. I must have broken fifty speed laws to get him here in time. They said he'd be fine, so he had to be fine.

He had to be fine.

I checked my phone again, but the screen just showed the time.

2:26 am. 2:26 am. School was tomorrow. Grandpa hated me missing school.

Grandma had hated it too, but she'd usually make me questionable soup no matter what kind of sickness I had and would sit and watch pointless movies with me; movies I'd never heard of before that she had laying around in her closet amongst other awkward items and lost pictures.

Grandma had been different than this. She had just never woke up that Autumn morning. Grandpa came downstairs with a solemn look on his face and picked up the phone.

_"What's going on, Grandpa? Something wrong?"_

_ "It's Pookie, Arnold. I have to call the hospital." _

The ambulance had shown up within a few minutes.

_Why hadn't I called the ambulance? Why did I have to take him here myself? _

My heart near jumped out of my chest when my phone vibrated in my pocket.

"Hello? Gerald?"

"Y-yea man," he yawned into the receiver, clearly still half asleep. "Wassup?"

"It's my Grandpa, Gerald. He, he, we're at the hospital."

I heard his bed creak at him apparently sitting up from his bed, now much more alert.

"Arnold. Is he okay? What happened, man?"

My eyes bugged out of my sockets as I saw the doctor approach me and I muttered for Gerald to wait a second as I rushed over to meet the doctor.

"So?"

"You're Phillip Shortman's grandson, correct?"

I nodded my head in urgency to know what was going on with my Grandpa.

"Yes. That's me, Arnold Shortman. Can I see him? Is he going to be alright?"

I was holding my cellphone to my chest so hard I thought it'd leave it's imprint in my skin.

"Arnold, I'm so sorry but your Grandpa, he isn't going to make it."

Despite how tight I had been holding onto the phone just moments ago, it slipped right out of my fingers and fell to the floor with a muffled thump.

It slipped out of my grip almost as quickly as my Grandparents had slipped out of my life.

* * *

><p>"Hey man."<p>

Gerald was standing on my doorstep and I looked at him with a blank expression. I hadn't slept properly since the night before the hospital a full week ago.

"Hey Gerald."

"My mom thought she'd give us a ride to school today. Said she even told Timberly to ride the bus so we could have the back all to ourselves."

Gerald hated having to ride with his mom since his car broke down, mainly because of Timberly. I never cared much, Timberly was a sweet girl even if she could get a tad annoying.

"That was nice of her."

"Yea... Hey Arnold? You okay, man? I mean, you sure you should be going to school today, I mean what with what happened last week and all and your Grandpa still in the hospital and...you know..." his voice trailed off in uncertainty and his eyes lost contact with mine, even though I hadn't looked directly at him since a week and two days ago when he was over for lasagna.

Grandpa had made it, or rather, attempted to.

His first four tries were in the refrigerator still.

Everyone was afraid to touch it, and not just because it probably wasn't edible.

I wouldn't let them.

"Yea, he's still at the hospital. I'm going to see him after school."

"You wamme to come with, man? It's gonna snow today when we get out, if you're walking I could-"

"No Gerald. This, this is something I've gotta do alone. They think today could be his last day."

"Sure thing, Arnold."

Slinging my messenger bag strap over my left shoulder, I shuffled my feet in the already footstep-packed snow as I made my way to Mrs. Johanssen's car. My eyes caught glance of the Packard, and I closed them quickly thereafter.

Maybe school would be a good distraction.

* * *

><p>You know that feeling when you open your eyes in the light and your pupils have to adjust so the world is full of fireworks and explosives and your brain spins around in your head before the world comes into focus again?<p>

School was like that. Every period was full of nonsense apologies and condolences. Rhonda had heard the news from somebody who had a mom who worked at the hospital in the ER and the news had spread like wildfire just the day after the incident.

Everyone knew Grandpa had been taken off life support. Everyone knew that he had hours at the most left; even Helga G. Pataki knew.

Throughout High School, Helga had never really toned down on making my life miserable, or rather attempting to. I tried to play along and smile and brush everything off of my shoulders that she said, but I knew that I would snap if she even said a word to me today.

As if my patience had been a brittle hollow twig, it'd snapped and I felt no compassion for almost anything for the past week.

"Hey Arnold," she started which was unusual seeing as Economics was her prime choice for name-calling and spitwads, "I-I'm sorry about your Grandpa." Her eyes were glimmering under the florescent light of the classroom and my teacher watched us as if waiting for Helga to slip up and say something rude.

"Doesn't matter, Helga." I mumbled as Mr. Granting started his lesson for the day, his eyes staying locked between Helga and I. "I guess."

The rest of the day remained a blur. I kept trying to tell myself that when I walked in the door of the boarding house after school, Grandpa would be right there on his rocking chair as usual with a sandwich and laughing at some story he was ready to tell me about whether I'd heard it before or not.

For the passed two years I'd been convincing myself that same thing about Grandma, how when I'd get home she'd walk in with some weird colored pom-poms or some big hunk of watermelon or even wearing a frying pan on her head just to get a rise out of me. However, that never happened, and I couldn't realistically hope that it would magically happen for Grandpa too.

At lunch I couldn't eat a thing. The two slices of pepperoni pizza that sat in front of me looked only like pools of unappetizing grease and I pushed it aside in hopes that nobody would notice.

"I'm just ever so sorry about your Grandfather, Arnold. I know how close you were with him and I only want to say that if you need anything, just anything at all, I'll only be a phone call away. Okay Arnold?"

I absentmindedly nodded my head and Lila must have stood in place waiting for some form of verbal acknowledgment before she sighed and walked back to wherever she'd appeared from in the cafeteria.

"Arnold, c'mon you gotta eat something, man."

"I'm really not hungry, Gerald. I'll eat when I get home."

He cocked a brow in my direction while taking a bite of his apple and crunching away on it.

"Gerald, just leave it. I'm not in the mood."

With a falling expression, he looked over to Stinky and Sid who merely shrugged and then over to Eugene and twitched his head in my direction as if some kind of cue for Eugene to say something.

"Arnold, I'm sure that things will get better. They always get better, even when they don't seem like they're going to. I know when I'm really feeling low, I perk myself up again with a happy little tune I made up. How about it?"

I stood up and took my full tray in my hands.

"Not today, Eugene. Maybe, maybe another time."

They watched me leave to dump the food into the trash can and walk as far away as I could, but I could still hear their concerned voices.

"Oh dear..." Phoebe said to herself.

"We have to do something."

"Since when do you care, Pataki?"

"Look AROUND, Geraldo. It's been one day he's been back and his attitude is affecting everyone else in the school. We have to do something."

"Well, what can we do?" Sid perked up.

"I reckon I'd do just about anything to get the poor feller just to smile."

"But WHAT, Helga? He's just sad..." Gerald said rather while looking away and out to where I had disappeared to while the whole gang turned to look at Helga.

"Anything, Tall Hair Boy. But we've GOT to do SOMETHING."

* * *

><p>While the boys locker room stunk of dirty socks blended with the overly powerful scent of Axe cologne, it proved to be a peaceful place to sit and think during lunchtime. Lunch period still had over twenty minutes before it was over, and that gave me plenty of time to sit and think.<p>

I pulled out my phone from my jeans as I sat down on the wooden bench that was standing by the wall. Scrolling through my contacts one by one and imagining their faces in my head, I highlighted that of the boarding house and hit the little green button in the left-hand corner.

The dial tone rang a few times, and I knew that none of the boarders would care enough to answer the phone until whoever it was calling decided to leave a message of some sort.

_ "You've reached the Sunset Arms Boarding house,"_ Grandpa's voice sang into the phone. _"leave a message for either Me, I'm Phil, Pookie, or Arnold, or any of the other boarders here and if you are interested in renting a room, try calling back at a-, Pookie! What are you doing? Get off of the railing you crazy old-, Just call back. Bye!" _

I couldn't help but smile at the sound of Grandma's crazed laughter filling up the background and Grandpa forgetting to turn off the answering machine. Grandpa was so embarrassed of the voicemail, but I told him not to change it; it was too great of a memory. I found myself more grateful than ever that we had decided to keep it seeing as now that was the last recorded evidence of our strange but happy family.

I sniffled slightly and rubbed my plaid flannel long sleeve shirt over my watering eyes.

I hadn't been old enough to remember my parents leaving. I couldn't remember the last things they said to me, and as hard as I had tried, I couldn't remember the looks on their faces as they left in that taxi Grandpa had told me about all those times before. I could remember this. As hard as it was to grow up without my parents, I knew from here on out that it would be significantly harder to live my life without anyone else waiting in the wings like Grandpa and Grandma had been.

And I was 18 now anyways; I was a legal adult who could go out and make his own choices about anything he wanted, I could move out and get a job and start a family if my heart desired to do so. But it didn't. So why was it fair to thrust me into the world that I was so unprepared for?

The bell rang and I gathered all of my things to walk to my next class in silence. The hallways were the only place where nobody bothered to disturb me. I watched as they conversed with each other, talking about the latest gossip and their weekend plans even though it was Monday.

I knew what my weekend plans were: Arnie and his family were coming up and would be staying at the boarding house. Needless to say, Oskar voiced his dislike for such a decision, but everyone else had been understanding and sympathetic to the situation. They knew I needed someone, even if it was just my slightly-off cousin and his lint.

He was really all I had left.

I had been walking so slowly, that when I walked into my Astronomy classroom, everyone was seated and looking my way which was only the gesture given to those who were tardy. Mr. Smithens didn't say a word however and I made my way to the desk in the second row.

It was a sickening feeling to take notes about a funeral in place of notes about the moon. When Grandma had died, Grandpa was the one who prepared everything. Her things that weren't useful to keep (which wasn't much) were boxed away and either donated or thrown out and Grandpa had worked out the funeral arrangements so there wasn't much I could do. This time around, I'd have to dig through Grandpa's things and I'd have to decide what was useful and what was junk. I had to plan the funeral and I had to decide what I'd do with the boarding house and the Packard.

My life suddenly wasn't going to flight school and traveling to San Lorenzo to find my parents, my life was now living in Sunset Arms until I was Grandpa's age and passing it down to my own kids.

As much as I loved the boarding house, that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want this responsibility and part of me wanted to curse out Grandpa for burdening this on me but I just couldn't. He was sitting in the hospital unresponsive and alone until I came over trekking through the snow at approximately 2:57pm every day since his stroke. I couldn't curse him out now.

I felt someone tap my shoulder.

"Yo, Arnold..."

I turned around to see Gerald leaning over his desk to whisper something to me.

"My mom says you're welcome to crash at our house tonight, it's a lot closer to the hospital than your house and since we pick you up in the morning anyways-"

I nodded my head while turning back around to face the board.

"Sure Gerald."

Maybe being away from the boarding house would help a little.

* * *

><p>Gerald was right when he said it was going to snow, but he hadn't quite said it would be like a blizzard.<p>

My head was as far down as I could manage and it took all I had to make every step I took.

Amidst the wind and snow dancing around me, I heard someone call out my name.

"Hey Arnold! Arnoldo!"

I sighed and shook my head, stopping midstep.

"What?" I called out as loud as I could manage.

"What are you doing out here? It's insane! You're gonna get sick or something!"

I turned around on my heel and looked at Helga incredilously.

"Why do you care?"

"I-I...well I DON'T Football-head, but I wouldn't want you in the hospital too..." Her voice had become softer at the end of her sentence and I looked down at my soaking wet feet.

"I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I'm sure your buddy Geraldo would give you a ride or something."

"I don't want one."

"Well, what if you slip and get hurt or something? I'm not gonna come running to save you if you klutz your way to the ground on your as-"

"I don't CARE, Helga. I just... don't care. I have to go."

I walked away from her as she continued to yell out for me. My mind was too focused on getting inside the hospital to even consider why Helga would reach out so much to care about my well-being.

By the time I walked in the doors, I'd made up my mind that it was because of the situation, and nothing more.

The smell was overpowering as usual; antibacterial and clean (it had a smell) flooded my nostrils and I stood in the middle of the lobby watching the doctors, nurses, patients and visitors roam around with a mild to maximum sense of purpose on their faces.

"Excuse me, but do you need help with something?"

I looked over my shoulder to see a nurse with a quizzical look painted on her face.

"Huh?"

"Do you need some help?"

"Oh, no. I just need to get to room 303."

"Do you know where it is?"

I forced the best smile I possibly could and nodded a few times.

"Yea. Thank you though."

She smiled a warm smile and patted my shoulder once.

"No problem."

I took a deep breath and walked to the nearby elevator and hit the button. My eyes focused on the red glow the button had once I pressed it and for a that brief moment, my mind had cleared. How quickly my mind started to spin once the elevator doors opened and I walked inside of the small area to make my way to the third floor.

Standing next to me was a woman holding four shiny red balloons and a yellow teddy bear that said, "Congratulations!" She looked over to me with a smile.

"My sister just had a baby. We didn't know if it was a boy or girl, so I just got the yellow bear."

I nodded and smiled for a second while looking at the bear.

"Congratulations."

The doors opened and we both went our separate ways for very separate causes.

The 300 wing wasn't very crowded around my Grandpa's room like it had been a few days ago. The days had started to blend together and I wasn't entirely sure what had happened when. I took a few steps into the dimly lit room and prepared myself yet again for what I knew would be lying in the hospital bed; the shell that was my Grandpa.

I pulled up a chair and set my messenger bag on the floor before sitting down and taking my Grandpa's hand.

"Hey Grandpa." I mumbled as I swallowed the lump that was rapidly forming in my throat. "3:04, not my usual time, but you should see it outside... I'll be shoveling the walkway at the boarding house for hours. Maybe I'll get lucky and it'll be a snow day tomorrow."

I listened to the beeping of the machine to his left, his heart was still strong, but that was all he had with such power left in him. His breathing sounded like a soft snoar, but I had convinced myself he was in there still and that he could hear every word I was saying.

"I uh, I'm staying with Gerald at his house tonight. I kind of thought, well, the boarding house just isn't the same without you there. So I thought maybe I'd stay with the Johanssens." I looked down at my lap and mumbled to myself, "Maybe it'll help..."

I looked at Grandpa's hand as it lay limp in my hand.

The doctor had come in about an hour after we brought Grandpa into the hospital.

_"Arnold?"_

_ "Yea." I looked up from my spot and glanced over to the doctor. Grandpa's moniter continued its monotone dirge and I half listened to him and the doctor, to make sure that nothing about his heart changed. _

_ "I have a few things I'd like to talk to you about if that's okay."_

_ "S-sure." I said shakily, afraid of what his news was to be. _

_He pulled up a seat next to me and looked at me head-on. _

_ "Your Grandfather appears to have had three separate strokes." _

_ "How is that possible?"_

_ "Well, you said that while you were getting him to the car, he seemed to know what was going on and the only big difference is he was stuttering quite a bit and he soiled his pants." _

_I looked at the picture on his name-tag that hung around his neck and I read the name below it carefully. _

_Dr. Stewart Quist. _

_It sounded like a doctor name. _

_ "That's right."_

_ "That, we believe, was the lesser stroke; it wasn't as severe. Now, that stroke took place on the left side of his brain which controls the right side of his body. This would explain the slight movement that you sometimes see in his right arm and toes." _

_He had been lifting his right arm, even though he couldn't open his eyes. Once in a very rare while, he would almost groan as if trying to word something and as much as I had coaxed, nothing further happened. The doctors said it might be reflexes and nothing more, but I knew it was something more. It had to be. _

_ "Okay." I said, my mind still lost in thought. _

_ "The other two strokes, were slightly more severe unfortunately. While one stroke was extremely severe on the right side, this stroke took place after he was under our care, the other stroke that took place on that side was still more severe than the one that took place on his left side."_

_ "So what does that mean?"_

_ "Well, it means that we don't think his left side will ever be able to recover."_

_I remained silent for a moment. _

_Grandpa was a pretty uppity elderly man. He was always running around doing things and always up for trying something new. Taking away his whole right side, it would devestate him. _

_ "What about his right side? Will he be able to recover there? His hand is moving, there's hope isn't there?" I was searching his eyes in desperation, hoping to find even the smallest morsel of hope that this whole thing could play out okay. _

_ "Realistically Arnold, the best we can see in the future for your Grandfather is a wheelchair, and if we're lucky, speech if that."_

_ "So he'd...he'd be like a vegetable." _

_Silence settled between us, only broken by the beeps of Grandpa's heart monitor. _

_ "I'm very sorry."_

_I looked over to him for a moment. _

_ "So what should I do?"_

_ "Well, it seems that Phil has left it all up to you."_

_ "What?"_

_ "You can either keep him on the feeding tube and life support, or, you can let him go."_

_ "How long until he'd...um..."_

_ "About a week. Maybe two." _

_I stared over at Grandpa as he remained as if in a peaceful sleep. The few strands of hair that floated atop his head were all askew and I tried to imagine Grandpa confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. _

_That wasn't a life. _

_ "I'll let you think on it-"_

_ "He wouldn't be living."_

_ "Pardon?"_

_ "If he were to be stuck in that wheelchair, I know he wouldn't want that." I felt tears sting my eyes and I squeezed his hand tight for a moment. "I don't think he'd want me to keep him living if... if he couldn't really live." _

_ "If that's the way you would like to go, there are some papers I need you to sign in the lobby. They'll be ready for you to sign whenever you are ready." He stood up and made his way to leave the room. He turned around in the doorway. "I'm very sorry, Arnold." _

As the days passed, Grandpa's movement became few and far between. It seemed as though he was giving up, and while I wanted him to keep trying and to find a way to come back as the same Grandpa I'd always known, I wanted him to be normal again, and that wouldn't happen. Maybe he'd be with Grandma. Maybe she was waiting for him to join her. Maybe he was waiting for me to be okay here without him.

"I ran into Helga today. Well, actually she yelled me down in the middle of the snow out there." I turned his hand palm side up and palm side down repeatedly as I talked. "Helga's the one with the one eyebrow as you always called her."

I swallowed hard as the lump in my throat grew bigger yet.

"Grandpa, when I was little, you always used to tell me stories about my parents, and how they went off to save the Green Eyed people..." I looked over at him, memorizing every wrinkle on his face. "and when I asked if you thought they'd come back, you'd always say, 'Maybe one day Shortman. Anything can happen.'" I watched the monitor as it beeped continuously as if it'd never stop. "Anything CAN happen. And, and whether they think you can hear me or not doesn't matter because I... I just KNOW you can hear me." I readjusted myself in my chair. "I love you Grandpa, and if, if for some reason you're holding on to make sure I'm going to be okay, well, I'm going to be okay."

I waited for a moment as if waiting for him to jump up and do some outrageous dance in his bed and laugh at me for believing such a cruel joke. Nothing happened.

"I'll, I'll take care of the boarding house and Mr. Potts, and Mr. Hyunh, and the Kokoshkas, and I'll never eat raspberries and I'll-"

Mid-sentence it happened.

I watched as the monitor slowed, I listened as the beeping near slurred until the screen finally showed that flat-line I had dreaded seeing.

"Grandpa...?" I looked at him as he lay still, his chest no longer rising and falling and his eyes still shut as if in a peaceful slumber. I sat still as Dr. Quist rushed in and looked between me and what was left of my Grandpa lying on the bed.

Gently, I placed his hand on his chest and swallowed back tears before rushing out of the hospital as fast as my legs would take me.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Sorry i left it on such a super duper sad note... <em>**

**_I just found this to be the best stopping point to transition into the next chapter. _**

**_So what do you guys think?_**

**_this whole experience that Arnold is experiencing, at least how things happened with his Grandpa is heavily based on what happened with my Grandma two years ago this winter. It makes writing this more realistic and this way, what i'm saying doesn't sound like it's clearly fiction, at least i hope so anyways. _**

**_I hope to see you guys at the next chapter! Can't wait for what you guys are gonna say about this chapter!_**


	2. View of the World from a Cot

**_Andddddd here we go with part two of the twoshot! _**

**_R&R and let me know what you guys think! I'm really excited! _**

**_Oh and HEY! I don't own Hey Arnold! Story was inspired by Criminyy! :) _**

**_Enjoy!  
><em>**

**_Polkahotness xoxo_**

* * *

><p>I was never a huge fan of Hamburger Helper. When Grandma would make it, she'd add a lot of really weird (but tasty) things in it so when others made it, it never quite lived up to what I had always been accustomed to. I wasn't going to complain, though. The Johanssens were kind enough to invite me to stay with them as much as I needed, which included free meals and not dry sandwiches that I had been making for the past week. Granted, Susie had always offered to make me a sandwich when she was in the kitchen making Oskar's, but I would always politely decline and go upstairs to hide in my room. The house had seemed so quiet without Grandma's laughing and Grandpa's 'scolding' after her, so the Johanssen's house was a nice change in pace, even if it meant that I was the object of Timberly's constant attention.<p>

"So Arnold," Mrs. Johanssen started as she passed around the bowl of cheeseburger hamburger helper, Gerald's favorite of the options they sold, "I figured you could stay in Gerald's room for the next few nights, seeing as we don't really have a guest room."

"What about Jamie-O's room?" Timberly asked while taking a bite of food from her spoon.

"Timberly, nobody would ever willingly go into that room, even if it meant having somewhere to stay."

"Why is Arnold staying with us anyways?"

I swallowed my food a bit too fast and found myself gasping for air for a moment while Gerald mumbled in between chews, "Unless maybe they were being tortured by you."

"Timberly," Martin scolded.

"It's fine, Mr. Johanssen." I tried to swallow my food and without much success, started to take a sip of water from my glass to try and wash down whatever was stuck in my throat. "I uh- can I just be excused?"

Exchanging a look with each other, both Mr. and Mrs. Johanssen nodded their heads and I picked up my plate to dump the remaining food in the trashcan and carefully place the plate into the sink. I figured that they would explain exactly what happened with Grandpa to Timberly once I was gone, so I quickly made my way to Gerald's room; a place I had spent so much of my childhood growing up besides at the boarding house.

For the most part, Gerald's room had changed entirely. His walls were filled with weird posters of sports related things and pictures of him and Phoebe from as early as when they first started dating (even though it had been on and off at the time) their freshmen year. One wall, however; had been what it seemed like devoted to the weird adventures Gerald and I had encountered. There was a foam finger tacked to the wall, there was a bag of peanuts that had only three peanuts in it and was sealed from the time we got it out of a vending machine as is. There were numerous pictures from us and the gang taking pictures in photo-booths, but mainly there were just a lot of memories.

Despite Gerald's attitude around the world, he was a bit of a sap. Phoebe found it amusing and sweet all at the same time, which is probably why the 'ladies man' himself had been with her for so long: they were so right for each other. Out of all the stupid pairings our grade had developed, theirs was the only one I saw that I could see making it.

I moved to sat on his bed, the covers still mussed up against his mother's wishes.

I glanced over to my messenger bag that I had brought with me from the hospital. It felt so heavy on my walk here in the snow. Then again, every step I took felt heavy. In the bag I had my Senior Social and Governmental Studies homework and in that same folder, I had the College Psychology packet I should probably study from for my test next week. But when Gerald came strolling through the door, I did something I'd never willingly done before.

I lied about my homework.

"Hey man, sorry about Timberly. You know how she can be."

"It's not a big deal, Gerald. I understand."

He sat down on the floor and reached over for his backpack to pull out some of his textbooks.

"You doing okay, Arnold?"

I nodded wanting more than anything to drop the subject, and Gerald was quick to catch on. Focusing on the books in his hand, he continued his small talk.

"Phoebe's got me studying like crazy. I mean, if it wasn't for her, I don't think I'd even have a CLUE as to where I was going to college or NOTHING." he chuckled. "Girl's got me whipped."

"What kind of homework you have?"

"Just some english, some science, some of that weird 'health and you' shit. What about you? I'm sure your college classes are whipping your ass with assignments."

I shrugged carelessly and lay back to stare at his ceiling.

"Nah. Not really."

"You mean to tell me that you don't have any homework in your four college and AP classes and I have four assignments due in the span of three days? Mmm mm MM, Arnold. I tell you man, that is not fair. That is just not fair."

"A lot of things in life aren't fair, Gerald."

The room fell silent.

"Arnold."

"I think I'm gonna take a shower. Y'know. So we don't have to fight Timberly for it in the morning."

I felt Gerald's eyes watch me leave the room and I heard pages flip once I closed the door behind me.

_Just one day of homework. Nobody will even notice._

* * *

><p>Mr. Hyunh had called Thursday night to let me know that him and Mr. Potts had taken care of the funeral arrangements, or rather the lack there of (Grandpa had specifically said he didn't want any sort of funeral which I thought to be very unlike him) seeing as they didn't want me to have to deal with such a thing at my age. They had simply collected the ashes and left them in my room to do with what I pleased. He had also called to inform me that Arnie had showed up without his parents due to some "hay incident" to which they couldn't attend because of it's occurrence.<p>

_"Arnold," _he had said in slight dismay, _"your cousin, he creepy. Very creepy."_

_ "I know, Mr. Hyunh. But I really, I just don't want to come back right now."_

_ "I understand, Arnold. We understand. Ernie and I take good care of the boarding house."_

_ "I'm sure you're doing a great job."_

_I heard a rustle on his end of the phone. _

_ "Oskar! You get out of the kitchen! You just ate!" Mr. Hyunh called out in the distance. _

_ "Kokoshka I swear to God if you use ANY of my salami, I will hunt you down and-"_

_ "Ernie! Be nice!"_

_ "Hyunh, the man has been on a food binge since Phil...well, the point IS if he keeps it up, he's gonna gain a hundred pounds!"_

_ "So what? Why does it matter to you if I gain a hundred pounds?"_

_ "You'll break the stairs for Christ's sake! Then what are we gonna do, Kokoshka? You tell me."_

_ "We'll build new steps. Or we could all live in the living room like a big happy family."_

_ "I'm not so sure I'd use that as a description of this mash-up of people under this one roof."_

_ "GUYS!" I yelled from the receiver. _

_ "Oh! Arnold! I so sorry!"_

_ "Just... just be smart guys, okay? I'll be home soon." _

_It was hard not to feel like the parent when it came to those three men. _

I hadn't intended on staying the full four days that I had been at Gerald's house for. But day after day came and instead of going home to face the future of owning my very own boarding house and all of it's crazy patrons, Gerald's family's offers sounded appealing and comforting and I always ended up sitting at their dinner table eating their casseroles and fried chicken.

Every night and day had become a sick routine, a rut you could even call it. I woke up, stared at Gerald's ceiling for a good five minutes as Gerald fought his own alarm clock for a few extra minutes of rest. After that, I got dressed in his room while Gerald took a shower. When he was done, I fought him and Timberly for access to the sink and once we were done preparing ourselves for the outside world, we worked our way downstairs for some instant oatmeal and toast that Gerald's mom had thoughtfully prepared after getting ready for her job. Mr. Johanssen was already gone for his day of work by the time we woke up, so the breakfast table was fairly quiet with the exception of Timberly who was insistent on making conversation with anyone who would so much as look in her direction. After we scarfed food down our throats, we'd pack ourselves into Mrs. Johanssen's car and drove off to Timberly's school first, followed by Hillwood High to drop Gerald and I off at the front doors. With much work, Gerald dragged me in the doors and we parted our separate ways for our classes and the day officially began.

First there was English. I sat in my desk while everyone turned in their papers and I listened as the whispers around me swelled into one big question of, "Arnold didn't do his homework again... Did you see that? He didn't turn in the paper AGAIN!"

Next I went to my College Psychology class where I doodled in my notebook and zoned out while we were supposed to be taking notes about the anatomy of the brain.

Following that, I would make my way to my AP Philosophy class where I vaguely listened to the things about life they would chew over and offer no input whatsoever. Instead, I focused on the patterns on Mr. Flodling's tie.

I'd then travel to Senior Social and Governmental Studies which I had noticed was a long name for a really boring class. It wasn't hard for me to lose interest in what Ms. Arenberns was rattling on about so I chose not to pay as much attention as usual.

Then there was lunch which I usually didn't participate in any of the conversations and when asked questions, I'd give my penny for thought and leave for the locker room where I'd travel to my Economics class with Helga. I'd, again, not turn in my worksheet about the stock market and how it affects our daily lives and stare at the whiteboard blindly while Helga whispered incoherent things about me to Phoebe.

Finally, there was my AP Astronomy class which I typically enjoyed on a good day. Mr. Smithens never really assigned a lot of homework, so I still had a fairly decent grade in his class. However, he was very well aware of my less than attentive behaviors and instead of questioning it, just let it slide.

By then, my day was over and I could go back to Gerald's place and neglect my homework and eat whatever they offered and sleep off all my frustrations at the world.

Then I'd wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

By Friday, our lunch table had decided I need an intervention.

"Arnold, we're really worried about you man."

"Most definitely, Arnold. I just can't bare to watch you continue your oh too sad expression every day for the rest of your life. I know when my mother died, it was very hard and I would go home and cry a lot and feel really bad about myself. But you know what? One day I just woke up and said to the world, I'm Lila Sawyer, and my mother wouldn't want me to feel this miserable about her not being around to be with me. So you know what I did? I took a long walk in the park and I came to the conclusion that life is just ever so wonderful and magical to just let it go to waste moping about things we can't control."

I saw Helga roll her eyes and she quickly cut in.

"Look, Arnoldo. We just want to help you."

"Helga's right, Arnold. Statistically speaking, when such a tragic event happens in ones life such as losing your guardians, many high school students have been shown to give up on school work and eventually even, fail out of school. We see you gradually heading down this path, Arnold. And..."

"We don't want you to screw up your life." Helga had her arms crossed and her face wore a very strict expression; not mean, but strict.

"Guys, I really appreciate this. But, I'm just trying to deal with this whole thing as best as I can. And if that means missing a few assignments in class, then I miss a few assignments in class."

"Arnold. That isn't like you, man. You're always the one telling everyone to-"

"I know Gerald. I know. But I just... I just want to be left alone is all. I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean to let you all down." I stood up and left the table as usual and made my way for the locker room on the other end of the school.

This time, however; I didn't wait around to hear just what they said about me once I was out of their sight.

* * *

><p>That night I decided I should go back to the boarding house and see how things were going for all the boarders... and Arnie. The moment I walked in, the typical chaos I was used to was evident and I knew in about three minutes I'd have to walk over and fix it all.<p>

"I said one! Not seven! Learn how to count!"

"I can count! But Susie wouldn't listen when I said we needed some. So I borrowed yours."

As usual, Oskar had taken something that wasn't his and I shook my head.

Normally I'd walk right over there and talk it out with them. I'd get Oskar to apologize and Mr. Potts to stop screaming. Mr. Hyunh would usually thank me, and Susie would yell at Oskar the moment he got back in their room. Then the cycle would repeat a few hours later.

Today however, I walked upstairs to avoid the whole thing completely.

"Hello Arnold."

I turned around to see Arnie exiting the bathroom.

"Hey Arnie. How are you?"

"Fine. I was just reading the directions on the shampoo bottle."

"I see. Well that's...great, Arnie." I turned around to walk to my room.

"Where are you going?"

"Just to my room. I...have a lot of homework I have to do."

"Thought you didn't do homework."

I looked at him for a while and shook my head deciding not to question just how Arnie knew that when we didn't go to school together.

"I'll see you later, Arnie."

"Bye Arnold."

My room looked exactly how I had left it. The bed was unmade from the last night I had tossed and turned thinking about Grandpa in the hospital, and my desk was a mess of papers for things I didn't understand like taxes for the boarding house and other nonsense. I walked to my bed and sat down on it brushing my fingers over the cold blanket.

What was there really to be so sad about? There wasn't hope that he'd be coming back. Like Grandma, he was here one day and gone the next. So why keep thinking about it when I know he's gone?

_Because it doesn't FEEL like he's gone. It doesn't FEEL like this is real. _

"I just don't feel anymore." I muttered to myself, my eyes catching on a coffee container sitting on my shelf. I walked over to it and picked it up, passing it back and forth between my hands.

It was funny, or rather weird, to have Grandpa fit in a little container for coffee. Grandpa had always seemed so big to me, he'd always seemed larger than life in my mind with his tall stature and abundant personality. It just didn't seem real to have him fit in a little cylinder that I held so easily in my hand. I tried to wrap my mind around such a thought and found myself shaking my head.

A knock sounded on my door.

"Come in."

Arnie opened the door and remained just outside of it.

"Dinner's ready."

"I think I'll pass tonight, Arnie."

"Susie made meat loaf."

"Arnie, I just really want to stay up here if that's okay."

"She let me read off the ingredients for it to her. Ground beef-"

"I'll be down in a minute, okay Arnie?" I looked at him with a small smile.

"Okay."

I carefully set the coffee canister on the shelf where it had been in the first place and I took a seat on the floor.

I never really sat on the floor of my room before. I mean, I never really found the need to. Granted, there were those times when I would sit on the floor to spread out papers for an assignment or to read multiple books at once, but I had never just willingly plopped down on my floor to think.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to think about.  
>All I knew is I didn't want to think about who wouldn't be downstairs. I didn't want to think about the stories I wouldn't hear and the advice I wouldn't get to question.<p>

Funny how the things you want to ignore are the only things you can focus on.

I could feel myself slipping into a deep abyss of depression and numbness. I had never felt so hopeless and lost and it was a scary feeling to encounter. I had always been so hopeful. I'd always been so sure of where I was going and how I was going to get there. Suddenly without Grandpa and Grandma around to cheer me on (sometimes literally) I wasn't sure what it was I could do and what it was I thought I could do, but realistically wouldn't.

I spent most of the night thinking about this. Throughout dinner, I questioned why it was I missed them so much; what it was that I missed the most. My brain dissected and probed every possible reason why I was too afraid to talk about Grandpa being gone and until that tap on my window, I wasn't even sure what it was that I was asking myself in the first place.

"Helga?" She was standing on my fire escape and I stared at her in complete shock.

"Hey football-head how's it going?"

"Wh-what are you doing on my fire escape?"

She looked around as if she hadn't planned that far ahead and shrugged slightly.

"Just, wanting to see what my favorite football-headed yutz was up to on this fine evening."

I raised my eyebrow and shook my head somewhat.

"You want to come in or something?"

"Sure, Arnoldo. Nice place you got here."

"Helga, you've been here before."

"Well you've changed it."

"No, I really haven't."

"So my memory is slippin'. Listen, you got something to drink here?"

I racked my brain for a moment as I stood dumbfounded before her as she took a seat on my bed.

"Helga, is there something you came here for? Because if not, I kind of just wanted to be-"

"Alone? Yeah. I caught on a while ago. Geraldo did too."

I looked at her blankly.

"Did Gerald tell you to come here and talk to me? Helga, that's really nice of you but I'm fine. Really."

"He didn't tell me to come here, sheesh Arnold. Like I'd ever do anything for HIM."

Nodding a little, I walked over to sit next to her on my bed without saying a word. I couldn't possibly imagine why Helga was here in my room but I didn't care enough to push the issue. Knowing Helga, if there was something she wanted to do, she'd do it and it was only a matter of time.

"So...um, things okay at home?"

"Things are fine. Miriam is off at her second AA meeting so I'm crossing my fingers she'll stick with it this time. Lord knows the last time was a bust."

"Yeah, I remember you talking about that."

"It is what it is. I've stopped trying to control things." she shrugged and lay back on the heels of her hands to support her weight. "Not like I ever could before."

"I know how that is." She glanced over at me with a mildly confused look. "Controlling things."

"Gotchya. So, do any of your homework yet?"

"Why?" I sounded suddenly defensive and I swallowed hard to offer a smile of some sort.

"I was just wondering, Hair Boy. Don't have to get your panties twisted in a knot."

I scoffed and looked over to the canister that seemed to stare at me from across the room. I knew Grandpa would be teasing me about having a girl in my room alone, and I had to fight the lump that started to form when his voice would pop into my head. Helga seemed to take notice of this, and her voice softened.

"You okay, Arnold?"

"Hmm?Oh, I'm fine, Helga."

"Cause if you aren't, I know I may, well, pick on you a lot and throw spitwads at you and call you names like yutz and stuff, but I can be a pretty decent listener. If you...well...need someone to listen."

I could feel Susie's meat loaf start to rise from my stomach at the idea of talking to someone about Grandpa and my room started to spin around me.

_If you...well...need someone to listen. _

"I uh... Helga...I..." I sighed in defeat and looked to her. Her eyes were focused on me with a truly compassionate look on her face. Her brow was furrowed in concern and the gum she had been chewing had stopped for a moment as I tried to form words. I couldn't talk about it, but I couldn't tell Helga that. "Thanks, Helga..." I told my brain to make some form of a smile; the most convincing I could manage, and while it felt awkward and clearly faked, I knew Helga could tell I was trying as hard as I could, and I couldn't figure out if that was a good thing or a bad thing. "Helga... Do you maybe... want to go outside? I mean, on top of the roof..." I looked over to her with an almost ashamed look on my face and she nodded a few times before standing up and gesturing to the way up to my window.

"Lead the way, Arnoldo."

As we climbed up and out of my window to stand awkwardly on the roof, I sighed and rubbed my right arm.

"Well... here we are..." I made my way to sit on one of the cots that was left over up there from bonfires and holiday celebrations from what seemed like long ago. It wasn't long before Helga came up to sit beside me on the cot while gently resting her hands on her knees and rubbing them back and forth over the holes in her jeans.

I wanted to tell her. In fact, I wanted to tell anyone. The time had gone and passed for me to tell someone and suddenly here I was with all of these emotions that I had displaced for weeks now. I guess I figured Grandpa would pop out and tell me he was kidding and we could laugh and go back to normal.

Maybe that was a dumb thought. Maybe it was a stupid thing to wish.

_Was it? _

"Helga...?"

"Hmm?" she hummed; her attention clearly elsewhere.

I sat silent as if waiting for some kind of cue to go on, maybe a cue from myself. I seemed unsure of everything nowadays.

Helga turned slightly while lifting her left leg and hinging it to lay it on the cot and look at me with her full attention.

I took a deep breath and found myself shaking my head.

"Never...nevermind."

"Arnold. Spit it out already."

I rubbed the back of my neck and swallowed hard. The air around us had suddenly grown thick and my lungs were having a hard time adjusting to the change they thought they were encountering.

I turned away from her and stared out over Hillwood as the sky darkened.

"You know what's funny?" I started while trying to focus on the world around me instead of what it was I was saying. "When my Grandpa flat-lined I thought... It's probably just one of his practical jokes. After that, I was expecting a miracle to happen...and then nothing." I felt that pesky lump start to build up in my throat again and I stopped while I was ahead. Helga seemed to wait for me to continue and I could feel her eyes on the back of my head.

"Arnold..." She said softly and I imagined her reaching out to me and pulling herself back.

But I doubted Helga would do that kind of thing.

"...I dunno, it all feels so surreal, y'know? Sometimes, I'd think he'd come into my room to say, 'Rise and shine, Shortman!' on weekends..." I found the nasal in my voice growing stronger and I tried with all my might to make it go away, to make all the pain go away and to make this situation go away. But here I was, sitting on a cot on my roof with Helga fighting it. Fighting everything."

"It's okay...Arnold..." Helga tried and that was all I needed for me to break completely.

"I mean, it's one thing to... to not have... your p-parents your entire life... it's one thing to-to-to not be like all your f-friends and...and..." I buried my head in my hands. "I'm not prepared to hold down the boarding house and finish school and solve every one else's problems. Grandpa always solved mine, in some weird twisted way, but he was always there. He was at every school thing. He read every paper I wrote and he helped me with every analytical question I got in english even though his answers didn't help me any more than looking in a phone book for the answers would have helped me. But he was THERE and whether I saw that then when he embarrassed me with Grandma all the time or not is too late for me to tell. But... but I..." I was sobbing uncontrollably and spilling out almost every thought I'd had in the past week. I felt Helga's hand hesitantly rubbing my back and the gesture somehow calmed me enough to take a few deep breaths and sit up and talk fairly normally. "I just really thought he was joking. I thought he'd sit up and pick on me for weeks at believing the little stunt he pulled." I looked over to Helga who was watching me with the most painful expression I'd ever seen her give anyone or anything. "I'm just not ready to be all alone now..."

"You'll never be all alone, Arnold." Helga replied instantly and her expression soon changed to one of panic. "I-I mean... you have... you have your friends and the boarders and stuff so you'll never really be alone."

"I guess you're right. But it isn't the same."

"I don't think it ever will be, Arnold." She said while looking out to where I had been focused earlier. "But...but you're a strong kid, Arnold. You've always been there for everybody else and we aren't just going to leave you in the dust like some incredibly insensitive imbecile." Her face reflected true sincerity and I nodded my head; taking in every word she was saying.

"Thanks, Helga." I reached over to wrap my arms around her and while she was stunned for the first second, she eventually gave in and I felt her arms wrap tightly around me as she hugged me back.

"Don't mention it, Arnold." She mumbled into my shoulder.

Awkwardly pulling away, she stood up and made her way to the fire escape to get down and go back to her house.

"Helga?"

She spun around to cross her arms and look at me with her brow raised.

"I...have to start going through some of my Grandpa's things and Gerald was going to come over this weekend and help but his parents are taking him to the cities to see Jamie-O at college. So if you aren't... busy or anything... would you, would you want to maybe help me? I understand if you don't want to, it's kind of a big job and it's really personal so I don't know if you would want-"

"I'm in."

I looked up from my lap to her and smiled the first genuine smile I'd felt since before Grandpa had left.

Because he had left, and he wasn't coming back.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school, Helga."

"Sure will, Football-head."

But I knew that my friends would be here with me for a long time.

And lucky for me, that included Helga.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I know i left it all open-ended and whatnot, but i thought that left a lot of room for you guys to continue on what you think will happen. and who knows? If you like it enough, i might just continue it. But for now, it's a happy little twoshot. haha<strong>_

_**Hope you liked it!**_


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